1 00:00:28,619 --> 00:00:29,940 Cheese pizza for Rosemary D? 2 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:32,080 Yeah, that's me. 3 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:33,780 Okay, I just need you to sign right here. 4 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:36,400 Oh, Jesus. 5 00:00:36,460 --> 00:00:37,840 Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. 6 00:00:38,540 --> 00:00:40,840 Um, my boyfriend. 7 00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:43,300 Um, oh, my God, my ex. 8 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:45,740 He's my ex now. 9 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:48,200 Um, he used to love pizza. 10 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:50,560 We loved pizza. 11 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:54,600 We would get pepperoni half mushroom because I'm a vegetarian. 12 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:56,180 I don't get it. 13 00:00:56,540 --> 00:00:59,860 This happens to me every time. Every relationship. 14 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:05,080 I mean, I know I'm taller than most guys, and I have a lot of feelings. 15 00:01:05,519 --> 00:01:08,400 I have so much love to give. 16 00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,020 Why doesn't anybody want it? 17 00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:14,580 I want to find someone that loves me. 18 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,500 Rosemary. Who can make me laugh. 19 00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:19,940 Rosemary. And be my best friend. Rosemary! 20 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:24,760 What? How many people have you slept with in your life? 21 00:01:25,340 --> 00:01:27,880 I don't see how that's relevant at all to what we're talking about right now. 22 00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:29,220 The number, please, woman. 23 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:30,600 Three. 24 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,000 And how many of those guys were you in love with? 25 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,720 Three. Well, there's your problem. 26 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:41,020 Stop falling in love with everyone that puts their dick inside of you. 27 00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:45,960 I don't fall in love with everyone who puts their... Wait. You gotta go get 28 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:46,960 that dick wet. 29 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:52,000 You gotta slam a bunch of strangers. You gotta be a slut for once in your life. 30 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:56,460 No, no, no, no. I don't do that. I'm a good girl. 31 00:01:56,980 --> 00:02:00,480 I want to get married, and I want to have babies, and I want to be a good 32 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:01,139 role model. 33 00:02:01,140 --> 00:02:02,140 I'm 33. 34 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:03,740 Rosemary, listen to me. 35 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:07,360 I've been a slut my whole life, and look at me. 36 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,080 I'm hot. 37 00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:10,259 I'm powerful. 38 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:11,920 I'm sexy. 39 00:02:12,980 --> 00:02:14,760 The dick does not control me. 40 00:02:14,980 --> 00:02:16,480 I control the dick. 41 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,460 I take it when I want it, and throw it away when I don't. 42 00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:21,440 What do you want? 43 00:02:22,460 --> 00:02:23,780 To be fucked over? 44 00:02:24,940 --> 00:02:26,160 Or to fuck? 45 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:30,120 I don't know. 46 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,200 Okay. Good luck, then. 47 00:02:33,540 --> 00:02:34,540 Wait. 48 00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:38,640 Can you help me? 49 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:41,820 I can help you. 50 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:43,720 Slut rule number one. 51 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,040 Open your mind. 52 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:46,790 Left. Right. 53 00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:50,790 Left. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Down and up. 54 00:02:51,290 --> 00:02:52,370 Down. Up. 55 00:02:52,910 --> 00:02:53,910 The soul cycle. 56 00:02:54,330 --> 00:02:55,330 What is this? 57 00:02:55,810 --> 00:02:57,570 Ariana Grande. No, a mask. 58 00:02:58,550 --> 00:02:59,790 The human centipede. 59 00:03:00,070 --> 00:03:01,070 What is this? 60 00:03:01,150 --> 00:03:02,029 A hammer? 61 00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:03,030 What? No. 62 00:03:03,810 --> 00:03:05,330 Down and up and down. 63 00:03:05,590 --> 00:03:07,450 No, what are you doing? You can't eat it. 64 00:03:07,690 --> 00:03:10,290 There you go. No, you gotta hit the feather. Reach the feather. Reach the 65 00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:11,830 feather. There you go. There you go. 66 00:03:12,530 --> 00:03:13,590 Yeah, I think you dropped something. 67 00:03:14,010 --> 00:03:15,810 Yes. What is this? Clogger. 68 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,070 Yes. What is this? Tickler. Yes. 69 00:03:18,350 --> 00:03:21,290 Who's a dirty, nasty little freak? I'm a dirty, nasty little freak. And who's 70 00:03:21,290 --> 00:03:22,970 gonna get laid? I'm gonna get laid. Yes. 71 00:03:23,690 --> 00:03:24,990 Yes. Yes. 72 00:03:25,230 --> 00:03:26,168 What is this? 73 00:03:26,170 --> 00:03:26,909 Butt plug. 74 00:03:26,910 --> 00:03:30,570 Yes. What is this? Personal lubricant. Fuck attachment. Fuck the outcome. Just 75 00:03:30,570 --> 00:03:33,950 get pleasure. Just have fun. Just fuck full stop. That is what I'm talking 76 00:03:33,950 --> 00:03:36,170 about. Set that pussy free, bitch. But rule number two. 77 00:03:36,430 --> 00:03:37,430 Prepare your butt. 78 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:46,060 I love that. It's so cute. 79 00:03:46,380 --> 00:03:47,380 I know, right? 80 00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:48,720 Slut rule number three. 81 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,080 Don't be fake. 82 00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:58,640 Hello. God bless America. 83 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,780 Come here, princess. Oh, you're a little princess. 84 00:04:01,220 --> 00:04:02,220 I'm a princess. 85 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,320 You're a little princess. 86 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:09,060 I have a warrant to search your body. I'm kidding. Can I come in? You look 87 00:04:09,060 --> 00:04:10,060 great. 88 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:14,840 What's up? 89 00:04:18,899 --> 00:04:20,000 Where do you get wax? 90 00:04:20,980 --> 00:04:21,980 Brazilian and Beverly. 91 00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:29,900 Right there. How many yachts do you have on your island? 92 00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:32,740 Five yachts. You're so much hotter than my life. 93 00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:38,660 It's hurting me. 94 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:39,840 It's hurting me. 95 00:04:48,140 --> 00:04:49,140 Really pretty. 96 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:50,400 Thank you. 97 00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:52,280 You're taller than me. 98 00:04:53,180 --> 00:04:54,180 I am. 99 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,080 I brought you a baguette. 100 00:04:57,780 --> 00:04:59,060 Do you want to come inside? Yeah. 101 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,460 Do you want a drink, Ned? Your name is Ned, right? 102 00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:05,900 My name is Ned. My name is Ned. 103 00:05:06,620 --> 00:05:08,060 I brought you a baguette. 104 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,820 Gotta stop bringing baguettes. 105 00:05:14,860 --> 00:05:17,400 Your place is great. 106 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,140 Er. Thanks. 107 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:24,120 Uh, it's a, it's a lot. Er. 108 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:26,520 What's a lot? 109 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:32,460 The place, er, no, I just meant that it was great. The place was great. Thank 110 00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:33,460 you. 111 00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:36,000 You're, um, you're welcome. 112 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:44,940 So, I, I'm confused. Why are, why are you single? 113 00:05:47,270 --> 00:05:48,270 Oh, 114 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,090 yeah, that makes sense. I'm sorry. 115 00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:52,310 No, it's fine. 116 00:05:54,650 --> 00:05:56,190 Do you want me to kill your ex? 117 00:05:57,110 --> 00:06:04,050 Do I want you to kill my ex? I could hide in his car and stab him in 118 00:06:04,050 --> 00:06:05,270 the back. 119 00:06:07,610 --> 00:06:08,990 And... Okay. 120 00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:14,490 I would just... Was that... 121 00:06:15,380 --> 00:06:16,780 Knife. There's a knife through his throat. 122 00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:19,380 It goes through the back of his throat. 123 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,700 Blood drips down his throat. 124 00:06:23,140 --> 00:06:24,380 Then I cover his nose. 125 00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:27,720 Are you done? Yeah, I was done a long time ago. I wish you had stabbed me just 126 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:28,720 when I stabbed him. 127 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:30,560 You're funny, Ned. 128 00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:32,500 You're welcome. 129 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,380 No, that's not what you said. Thank you. 130 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:15,560 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just, I talk when I, when I'm excited, I scream and 131 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,560 I'm very excited. 132 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:21,020 I'm very excited right now. Are we, are we in love with each other? 133 00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:26,360 I just feel like with what happened between us just now, like we have to be 134 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:30,620 in love with each other. I don't, I don't know you. I don't even know what 135 00:07:30,620 --> 00:07:31,620 you do for a living. 136 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:36,580 Okay. I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that. Are you unemployed? 137 00:07:36,860 --> 00:07:38,500 Is that a, is that a turnoff? 138 00:07:38,780 --> 00:07:40,700 Are we still whispering? No, we don't have to keep whispering. 139 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,900 I just feel like my head's going in a million different directions right now. 140 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,500 Okay. I just think we really like each other. 141 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,520 Both of us, a little bit. I don't know. 142 00:07:49,780 --> 00:07:53,620 Well, not... You like me, I think. Okay, yeah, I definitely like you, I can tell 143 00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:56,720 you that, but I think we both really like each other, and what I see for us 144 00:07:56,720 --> 00:08:01,260 is, like, that we hang out for a while, and we date kind of just casually. 145 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,220 And then you're like, should we move in together? 146 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,800 And I'm like, that's a little quick. Don't you think it's a little quick to 147 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,460 be moving in with each other? And then you convince me. And then eventually, a 148 00:08:08,460 --> 00:08:11,500 few years after that, that we've been in love and we love living in this 149 00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,500 apartment, you're looking through my underwear drawer. 150 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:18,180 Why? As like a goof, I like take one of your underwear and I put it in my 151 00:08:18,180 --> 00:08:19,760 underwear. What? 152 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:24,900 No. I would love to share a dresser. I need my own dresser. Okay, fine. So 153 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:27,000 you're looking through and you find a ring box. 154 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:30,540 And you go, Ned, are you going to propose to me? 155 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:32,919 I go, what? I can't hear you. 156 00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:34,119 Where are you? 157 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,980 I'm in the... Because I'm in the bathroom. I'm taking a poop. You're 158 00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:40,500 taking a poop? And so you come in there. You come in the bathroom, and the door's 159 00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:41,379 wide open. 160 00:08:41,380 --> 00:08:43,580 And you go, were you going to ask to marry me? 161 00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:47,260 I go, oh, crap. I didn't want you to see that. I'm sorry. I wasn't going to ask 162 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,060 to marry you. I was going to discuss it with you. 163 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,260 I was going to see if you wanted to, if that was ever something you'd be 164 00:08:52,260 --> 00:08:53,760 interested in. You go, you know what? 165 00:08:53,980 --> 00:08:57,200 Forget it. And I go, shit, it's over. Forget it. And you go, no. 166 00:08:57,860 --> 00:08:59,860 Because I'm going to... I'm asking you. 167 00:09:00,570 --> 00:09:03,250 And you say, Ned, will you marry me? 168 00:09:05,070 --> 00:09:11,010 And I go, of course, a million times. I knew from the moment I met you I was 169 00:09:11,010 --> 00:09:12,010 going to marry you. 170 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,470 And then you go, well, then kiss me, you big lug. 171 00:09:15,910 --> 00:09:20,690 And so I go, do you want me to... Wipe first. Wipe first. And you actually 172 00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:22,770 don't. Come and kiss me. 173 00:09:23,270 --> 00:09:27,690 And so I come. Holy shit. I come and I kiss you. 174 00:09:28,030 --> 00:09:29,030 Mm-hmm. 175 00:09:29,660 --> 00:09:36,600 And, uh... And then we're happily ever after in a house, and 176 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:41,900 my mom... What are you doing? 177 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:43,119 Getting dressed. 178 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,020 Oh, can I not sleep over? 179 00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:46,380 Absolutely not. 180 00:09:48,260 --> 00:09:49,440 Gotta wash these sheets. 181 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,740 Okay, warn somebody when you do something like that. 182 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,540 Well, good night. That was fun. Thank you. 183 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,740 I feel so used. 184 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:14,460 Listen, Ned, I, um... I'm really trying to do things differently than I have in 185 00:10:14,460 --> 00:10:19,140 the past and keep things casual and light because I really don't want to get 186 00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:19,739 hurt again. 187 00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:25,520 That doesn't even matter because I don't know what I'm looking for, so... I'm 188 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:30,260 sorry to say that to you, um... But I said it, so there it is. 189 00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:37,470 Okay. That did hurt my feelings a bit, but I guess I'm glad that you say that. 190 00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:41,930 I feel the same way about you, actually, so it doesn't matter. I think you suck 191 00:10:41,930 --> 00:10:42,930 ass. 192 00:10:43,330 --> 00:10:46,930 I think that you suck ass, too. 193 00:10:47,150 --> 00:10:49,670 I should go. Okay. All right. I'll see you. Bye. 194 00:10:59,510 --> 00:11:00,690 Yes. Look. 195 00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:06,950 I think, sincerely, that there's something there between us. 196 00:11:07,450 --> 00:11:12,090 Something that's more than sex. I feel it in my body, and I feel it in my 197 00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:14,870 heart. Okay, thank you for your time. That's all. 198 00:11:22,870 --> 00:11:23,870 Hey, Rosemary. 199 00:11:24,030 --> 00:11:26,870 Hi, Ned. So I just want to make it clear that when I say there's something 200 00:11:26,870 --> 00:11:30,870 more... Between us than sex, I meant that there's like relationship 201 00:11:30,870 --> 00:11:34,550 potential. I didn't mean like that we shouldn't have sex. 202 00:11:34,830 --> 00:11:39,330 Okay, I definitely think that we should still have sex. That was one of the most 203 00:11:39,330 --> 00:11:41,470 magical experiences of my whole life. 204 00:11:41,690 --> 00:11:45,990 I felt incredibly emotional and I get very emotional. That's actually a 205 00:11:45,990 --> 00:11:48,990 problem of mine. I think it's pushed some partners away. I'm actually in 206 00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:50,090 therapy for it now. 207 00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:54,150 And I know that there's a size difference between us. I'm not an idiot. 208 00:11:54,350 --> 00:11:55,850 You're taller than I am. 209 00:11:56,170 --> 00:12:01,310 And I'm small, but I can tell you this, that what I lack in size, I make up for 210 00:12:01,310 --> 00:12:02,630 in body toneness. 211 00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:06,430 And that's a joke. Ha, ha, ha. I'm not very fit. 212 00:12:06,670 --> 00:12:09,850 And I know that I need a job. I need a job badly. 213 00:12:10,070 --> 00:12:14,190 And I will find something great. I don't know what it's going to be. I know that 214 00:12:14,190 --> 00:12:18,310 I don't want to work with horses. I have no expertise with horses. I don't even 215 00:12:18,310 --> 00:12:20,190 know why I'm bringing up horses. 216 00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:24,890 Look, I just feel like I could be a really good partner to you. And I... 217 00:12:25,130 --> 00:12:30,270 i feel like we could work and i feel like i could make you laugh if you let 218 00:12:30,270 --> 00:12:37,090 me and it doesn't have to be with me it could be at me so okay yeah 219 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:42,790 that's what i wanted to say so okay thank you for your time 220 00:12:42,790 --> 00:12:49,130 hey ned yeah 221 00:12:49,130 --> 00:12:54,170 you want to order your pizza 222 00:12:56,410 --> 00:13:00,550 Yes, or no. Fuck you. What is it? What are you doing? What's going on right 223 00:13:00,550 --> 00:13:04,130 now? Is this a trick? Are you tricking me? Do you want to stay a little longer 224 00:13:04,130 --> 00:13:06,530 and order a pizza with me? 225 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:12,290 I would. 226 00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:13,870 I would like that. 227 00:13:14,130 --> 00:13:15,130 Do you like mushrooms? 228 00:13:15,750 --> 00:13:21,590 I'm a vegetarian, so clinically I'm what you might call a mushroom boy. 229 00:13:22,610 --> 00:13:24,610 Yeah, I'm a little mushroom girl, too. 230 00:13:25,790 --> 00:13:26,790 I knew you were. 231 00:13:27,370 --> 00:13:31,350 I could tell from the moment I saw you. I knew you were a mushroom girl. I knew 232 00:13:31,350 --> 00:13:35,330 that. Do you mind if I quickly use the bathroom just to pee, not to do? 233 00:13:35,870 --> 00:13:39,110 And then I got, I'm going to go to the kitchen and I'm going to order. 234 00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:40,370 I'll order.